i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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