He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
