1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
