I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
