my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
