I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i came on her dog
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
