hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
