I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I CAN MOONWALK!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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