Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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