I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
