dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
