I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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