he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
