Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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