cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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