So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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