do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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