Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
