Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
