just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
