It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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