UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
