im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
