Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
