My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
