walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
