dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
