I didn't shave. On purpose
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
