no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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