On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
