Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
