Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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