What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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