I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
