Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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