Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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