Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
