You're so nebulous sometimes
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
