We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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