I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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