My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
