at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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