Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
