If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
