dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
