haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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