I CAN MOONWALK!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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