I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
