so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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