That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
