if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
