he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
